


burger king

by citriine



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Inspired by Roleplay/Roleplay Adaptation, Multi, nsfw (but it’s all jokes)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:26:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23136892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/citriine/pseuds/citriine
Summary: alfred and arthur face otherworldly threats in a burger kingadapted from a joke rp
Relationships: Arthur Kirkland & Satan, Komaeda Nagito/Sans (Undertale)
Kudos: 8





	burger king

Alfred was sitting alone in the BK booth, stuffing his mouth with an unholy amount of Whoppers when he noticed his dumbshit older brother approach him. "Mmfh, Hey!" Was all he managed to get out before returning to his massive hoard of food.  
“Alfred, you do know those Whoppers are poisoned right?” Arthur raised all ten of his eyebrows simultaneously.  
"Bro, what?" Alfred furrows his brows in confusion. "You're joking," he starts turning green as he speaks, "I feel fine," he does, honestly, feel fine, but his skin continues to turn, "you're such a liar, you know that? Like, your jokes aren't funny dude." At this point, Alfred is completely green, almost like a cartoon character, and he still notices nothing.  
Arthur’s face paled with horror. “Alfred, seriously, an FBI agent tipped me off. That burger was poisoned.....” dramatic, cartoonish music began to play... “by ALIENS.”  
"DUDE." Oh now he's upset. "C'MON MAN. YOU KNOW I'M FRIENDS WITH ALIENS. THEY'D NEVER POISON ME." He's standing now and screaming at his jackass piece of shit Brit of a brother. "IF ANYTHING, THEY'D POISON *YOU*" He crosses his arms and turns away from Arthur. "Tony told me that he pissed in your Gatorade yesterday so *HA!*"  
“ALFRED. AFTER BENEDICT ARNOLD I THOUGHT YOU’D LEARN.....” his voice trailed off ominously. “SOMETIMES PEOPLE YOU THINK ARE YOUR FRIENDS. ARE ACTUALLY *MY* FR-“ he cut himself off as he processed that last bit. “Fortunately for Tony, I quite enjoy drinking piss!” was his smooth recovery  
"YOU JUST *WISH* THEY WERE YOUR FRIENDS YOU LIMEY TEA-DRINKING FUCK." Alfred throws a bunless burger at Arthurs face in the Burger King.  
“BURGER KING EATJNG ASS DUMB MOTHERFUCKER.” Arthur pulls out an antique rifle and shoots! Unfortunately for him, Alfred is immortal as he’s been infected by an alien virus.  
Alfred absorbs the bullet and harnesses its powers. He's become a gun! His elbows fold open into gun barrels and he starts blast-shooting at Arthur. "TAKE THAT!!!"  
Arthur’s eyebrows transform into shields! “Behold, the mighty power of Great Britain!” The bullets are reflected off of his mighty chav brows!  
The bullets shatter the glass of the Burger King windows. Alarms ring throughout the building. The man behind the counter morphs into an alien and starts eating the glass shards up like they're powerups. "OH GREAT, NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE," Alfred bellows.  
Arthur noticeably pisses himself. “OH FUCK” he says and then he calls upon the power of Greyskull and reveals his final form: Brow-ra. He charges towards the alien and his beautiful chav brows rip its head clean off.  
Alfred slants his mouth like that one fucking emoticon. "Dude... low blow..." his skin is suddenly not green again. "You're making me do something I didn't really want to have to do." He takes his full size harp out of his pocket and props it up on the aliens body and starts playing a song for the angels. God himself starts slowly descending from a hole that was blasted in the BK roof. He puts a hand on Arthurs shoulders and stares wordlessly. Alfred smirks from behind God.  
Arthur uses the sharp flow of his piss to cut a pentagram into the floor, chanting in latin! Satan rises from the ground and Arthur stands behind him. “Thanks, bae xx” He proceeds to make out with Satan  
"Arthur if you're going to whip your dick out, at least do it in the men’s bathroom channel" Alfred said, feeling particularly meta. He completely disregards Satan and God staring at each other eye to eye.  
“I’ll piss wherever I please, Alfred! You’re just hating because you’re jealous of my luscious chav brows.” He says, and puts his glorious shrimp nuts back in his pants. He turns back to Satan. “Destroy them, babe.”  
"SAY CHAV ONE MORE GODDAMN TIME I SWEAR TO GOD" Alfred eyes glow blue as the power of Sonic fill his soul. He begins floating in the air as special FX lighting swirls around him. "DON'T *FUCK WITH ME,* ARTHUR. I'VE GOT THE POWER OF GOD *AND* ANIME ON MY SIDE. **KAMAYAMAYAAAAAA!!!!!!!!**" Blue lighting SURGES towards Arthur and Satan.  
“Alfred...... you’re in for QUITE a bad time!” Arthur says, his eye glowing with blue radiation. Komaeda Nagito runs in from the Burger King bathroom, his fingers in Kanye West’s ass. The two of them bravely sacrifice themselves to defend Sans Arthur and Satan-Senpai!  
Alfred snaps and SCREAMS. It's so loud and so deafening the entire building collapses. His scream resembled a bald eagle at an inhuman decibel. Lighting shoots out of his eyes and nose and ears and fingers. He looks divine. The power is strong enough to burn a thousand worlds.  
Arthur returns his battle cry, autistically screeching “I’M A MANCHESTA GIRL DONT HATE ME THAT GIRLS NEXT MAN WANNA DATE ME WANNA TAKE ME TO MACCIES AND THAT BECAUSE HIS GIRLFRIEND IS A LITTLE RAT!!” His accent rings loudly, echoing such that the whole world could hear! He makes the first move, his chav brows shooting for Alfred’s throat as unholy shadow surrounds him!  
"Arthur." Alfred lowers back town to the Earth, returning to normal. He looks hurt. "Narratively making fun of autistic people isn't cool."  
Arthur looks downtrodden.... “Alfred.... my narrator *has* autism....” he says, breaking the fourth wall as he too returns to normal. “I think the real enemy here is all these ableist aliens! We should attack!”  
"OH GOD, OH FUCK, YOU'RE RIGHT" Alfred whips two bazookas out of nowhere.  
“Bye, Satan. I’ll see you tonight,” he said, winking as his demonic top left. Arthur summoned a tank out of thin air and charged against his otherworldly enemies, all of whom were wearing Martian Autism Speaks shirts!  
Unfortunately.... the Martians destroyed the entire earth in retaliation. Everyone died.


End file.
